He’s the “King of Country & Western Troubadours”.  He’s every woman’s dream and every jealous husband’s nightmare.  He’s “sold more records than Elvis and Them Beatles put together.”  And…he’s out of prison.  He’s UNKNOWN HINSON.
He started Country & Western music and to this day has been denied credit for doing so.  Why?  The answer is plain and simple.  Jealousy and greed.  The so-called “pioneers of C&W stole blatantly from UNKNOWN.  They shamelessly lifted his formula for writing “chart-toppin’ hit songs” and made millions.  They copied his beautiful rhinestone “showdate clothes” made famous for him by the gifted designer “Tooty of Hollywood”.  Yes the “pioneers” can have their great grandchildren retire comfortably thanks to the genius of UNKNOWN HINSON.  We won’t mention any names but…they know who they are.  Instead of thanking UNKNOWN for creating a genre in which any three-chord bumpkin could become a millionaire, they deeply resented his musical skill and movie star good looks.
UNKNOWN was named after his daddy.  It’s right there on his birth certificate:  “Momma—Miss Hinson, Daddy—UNKNOWN.  It’s a fact.  He has fond memories of dozing in his crib late at night, being lulled to sleep by the strains of his Momma and Daddy singing ancient folk songs from the old country.  However, these memories die quickly as they are replaced with recollections of liquor bottles hitting the wall and little UNKNOWN waking up with a few cigarette burns.  Since UNKNOWN’S parents were both musical, it was inevitable that he have the burning desire for music in his belly.  When he was five years old his Mother showed him two chords on her guitar.  She then shoved the instrument into his hands and said: “If you wanna play this damn thang, you figure it out!”  He did.  Details of his childhood are sketchy.  In fact, we can’t chronicle much more of UNKNOWN’S life until we resume in the late ‘50s.
1959 was a good year for Dom Perignon and UNKNOWN HINSON.  Fresh out of quitting high school, UNKNOWN found himself on fire to take his “Country & Western music invention” to the masses.  After suffering the loss of his parents (who mysteriously disappeared from the face of the earth without a trace) he took his beloved pet rooster, Pete, and ran away from home.  UNKNOWN and Pete wandered and drifted for days until they stumbled onto a small carnival site.  Hubert Faust, owner of the “Hubert Faust Shows” was impressed with UNKNOWN’S and Pete’s “human/animal oddity” appeal.  He gave them jobs as geeks in his “ten in one” tent show on the carnival midway.  Together they earned twenty-five dollars a week.  They were billed as “The WILD CHILD From Hell & PETE, The Wonder Cock!”  As “The WILD CHILD From Hell”, UNKNOWN would bite the heads off of unsuspecting snakes and rats, swallow swords, breathe fire, perform ventriloquism and lift 25 lbs. weights with his bare tongue from down inside his snake pit.  Then, for his finale, he would survive the electric chair.  The switch would be thrown by “PETE, The Wonder Cock!” a.k.a. “The Fowl Executioner”.  The rooster would emerge inside the pit with his head shrouded in a black executioner’s hood and push down on the switch with his beak.
UNKNOWN HINSON wrote many songs during his days with the carnival and he yearned to work his music into his act.  He finally persuaded Hubert Faust to let him render a few of his “chart-toppin’ hit songs” to the crowds from down inside the pit.  When the crowds shrieked with delight at UNKNOWN’S singing and guitar playing, Faust soon had dollar signs in his eyes.  Overnight the carnival tripled it’s gross at the gate and UNKNOWN was billed as “TROUBADOUR BOY, KING OF THE MIDWAY!”
One night Fletcher Simms, president of National Records, showed up in the crowd.  He offered UNKNOWN a recording contract right on the spot.  Faust tried to hold out for more money but UNKNOWN signed with him the next day.  Hubert Faust died mysteriously soon after and UNKNOWN HINSON was well on his way to becoming an international household word.  Ironically, there in the crowd that faithful night had been three up-and-coming “Country & Western music pioneers.”  They saw UNKNOWN’S act and kicked themselves for not creating it before he did.  They had also witnessed Fletcher Simms begging UNKNOWN to sign with his record company.  Their scheme became clearly defined.  Their one and only objective was to destroy UNKNOWN HINSON and steal his music, look, attitude and brilliant career from him.  They would achieve this objective by framing him.
By 1963, UNKNOWN HINSON was hailed as “The Thomas Edison of Western Folk Music”.  He was awarded the highly coveted “Wirlitzer Prize” for his outstanding contributions to western culture.  He was ordained as “The KING of Country & Western Troubadours” by theCWC (Country Western Court).  They presented him with a stunning black ’63 Cadillac Sedan Deville as a trophy for his efforts.  His star was not just within reach, it was tightly clenched in his fist.  Then tragedy snuck up from behind and tapped UNKNOWN on the shoulder.
One by one the charges came in.  UNKNOWN HINSON was unjustly accused of:  Murder one (three times), armed robbery (twice), 19 paternity suits, grand larceny, assault with a deadly weapon (28 times), spouse abuse (he was never married), grave robbing, vampirism, 54 traffic violations including hit and run, DWI, reckless driving, speeding, expired plates and driving without a license.  But the charge that cut UNKNOWN to the bone was copyright infringement.  In the words of the KING himself, he told the judge:  “Them’s all lies, your honor…I ain’t done nothin’.  Them cowboy hat-wearin’ sumbitches knows who wrote their mess!  Them boys owes me hunnerds o’ cash American dollars!”
On September 3, 1963 UNKNOWN HINSON was found guilty on 83 charges and was sentenced to twenty years in state prison.  Outraged by his conviction, he jumped up and screamed to the judge:  “Hey judge, when I git out I’m gonna find you and whoop your damn ass!  Yeah, yeah, I know where you live, Hoss!”  The judge then gave him another ten years for communicating a threat.

UNKNOWN spent the next thirty years in the Illinois State Pen.  During his incarceration he focused on his songwriting and guitar playing.  He honed and crafted hundreds of “chart-toppin’ hit songs” and devised his master plan for a “comeback” when he was released.  He received his high school diploma while imprisoned (something he had not attained in public school.)  Today he is a strong advocate of U.S. penal system funding:  “It IS taxpayer’s monies WELL spent!  Hell yeah!”
Thirty years to the day (with no time off for good behavior) the murder and grand larceny charges were dropped and UNKNOWN became, once again, a free man.  He immediately put his “comeback plan”  into action with a vengeance.  From producing his own award-winning cable access TV show, “THE UNKNOWN HINSON SHOW”, to producing a harvest of record albums including: ” “21 CHART-TOPPERS”, “THE FUTURE IS UNKNOWN…” and “UNTHOLOGY”, he is quickly making up for lost time.  And somewhere out there tonight, UNKNOWN, along with his showdate band, is singing and playing his guts out as he reclaims his title and crown as “The KING of Country & Western Troubadours.”
Since his release from prison UNKNOWN has established a rapidly growing cult of believers than span every demographic.  To the younger generation UNKNOWN says:  “It don’t take no talent to play Rawk!  Hell, any idiot can make that racket!  Now, Country & Western—THAT takes talent!  But I realize that youngerns and purty womerns likes that Rawk mess.  So ever now and then I will play a few Rawk songs in my showdate concerts just to prove to them that it don’t take no talent to play that mess!  “Yeah, yeah, I’ll do all tha sinnin’ so the youngerns of today won’t have to.  Sooner or later, they’a ALL feel the wrath o’ UNKNOWN HINSON.”